Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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