I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
