Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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