I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
