I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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