Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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