That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
