first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
wow bdsm is so cute
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
