The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
