Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
