if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
