If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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