woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
