hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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