overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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