I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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