I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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