I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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