my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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