So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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