did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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