Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
