those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
