Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize