you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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