So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
