i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
