Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm passing your future prison.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize