Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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