Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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