Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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