I wanna bring you to show and tell
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
did i just pee glitter
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
