I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
