i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize