i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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