I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
