They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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