do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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