I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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