you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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