i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
