sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
