i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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