when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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