White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
