He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Your dad touched me again.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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