There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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