a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
