Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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