one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
