she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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