Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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