Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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