4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
