Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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