Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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