i just had sex bonerless
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize