I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
