look no pants
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I need to align my fucking chakras
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