He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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