i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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