ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
