I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
