I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
