I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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