Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
