I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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