My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
