You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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