Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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