good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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