Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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