I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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