Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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