Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
