i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
