I want to have your abortion
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Be still, my beating vagina.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
