Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
